Sunday, August 30, 2009
Kryptonite Wedding, "Superman's Girlfriend, Lois Lane #42
I only wish my scanner was working, so that I could show you the awesome splash panel for this story.
Okay, so get this: Lois sets up a hidden camera and gets some pictures of Superman switching identities. She then locks the camera in a weird little lead box around her waist like a fanny pack, so Superman can't fog the film with his X-ray vision. Then, she drives off to develop the pics, only to get into a car accident (where was Superman, then? See what happens when you mess with Superman?).
Turns out, Lois sustained a head injury that alters her personality and lets her feel comfortable blackmailing Superman. She tells him if he doesn't marry her tomorrow, she'll develop the film and expose (no pun intended) his secret identity. Superman has no choice (because his secret ID is just THAT important), so he agrees.
Superman takes Lois the next morning to the Fortress of Solitude (see Saturday, August 22, 2009) so she can see if she'd like to live there after they are married. Lois spends some time measuring the place for drapes, then her natural nosiness takes over. Finding an atomizer marked "rejuvenation spray" Lois decides she should spray herself with it. After all, Lois rationalizes "I'm not going to get wrinkled while HE stays young".
Problem is, the rejuvenation spray was a gift to Supes from an alien and it's never been tested on an Earthling (or a Kryptonian). Lois begins growing progressively younger, which leads to a wacky series of failed attempts to get a marriage license. Lois sprays Superman with the spray, too, hoping someone will agree to marry two teenagers, but then she becomes a child... it just gets sillier and creepier as it goes.
I won't spoil the ending, but needless to say, the Man of Steel remains a bachelor.