My Wife HATES Stretchy Guys!

My lovely wife, Amy (aka Spectergirl) HATES stretchy superheroes. She just does. She finds them "creepy" ad insists that when they stretch their limbs look "all penis-y". I, however, have no such aversion so here's a breakdown of who's who in the world of stretchiness.

1. Plastic Man.

The original and still best. Although Plastic Man survives 'til this day in comics, no-one has ever been able to duplicate the genius of his creator, Jack Cole. A reformed criminal, Plastic Man works as a special agent for the FBI, using his unique shape-changing talents to bring down organized crime- often his former associates. He even got his own postage stamp:


Or is this just Plas in disguise?

2. Elongated Man

Despite his naughty-sounding name, Elongated Man was a fairly innocent superhero feature from the pages of Flash. Ralph Dibny, became obsessed as a young man with the flexibility of "India Rubber Men" in carnival sideshows. He noticed over time that all of them drank a particular brand of soda-pop made with extract of "gingold". Dosing himself with a powerful concentrate of gingold, Ralph discovered he was able to stretch any part of his body (!). He then decided to fight crime as the "Ductile detective", Elongated Man.

3. Elastic Lad

After taking an "Elastic Serum", Jimmy Olsen had a short-lived career as
Elastic Lad. Since Jimmy has had too many bizarre powers and shapes to list, I don't know what else to say.

4. Mister Fantastic

Okay, this is the one stretchy guy my wife actually likes. But does she like him for his cool, stretchy power? Does she like him for his mind-numbing intellect? No. She likes him because he's a pompous ass. This explains SO much about why she married me.

What Kind of Pompous Ass Names himself "Mister Fantastic" Anyway?

One of the defining moments of the Silver Age would have to be the publication of Fantastic Four #1 from Marvel Comics. Marvel had been more or less out of the superhero business at the time, focusing primarily on monster comics. This fact is pretty obviously demonstrated by the big, subterranean creature on the cover battling the fledgling superteam and by one of the team's four member, The Thing.

Originally conceived as a way to cash in on the success of DC's new title Justice League of America, the FF soon took on a life of their own, becoming one of the most iconic and recognizable comics of the 1960's.

But back to the topic at hand. What kind of pompous ass names himself "Mister Fantastic"?

I mean, the other three members of the Cosmic Quartet have named themselves after their new-found super powers and characteristics. "The Human Torch" catches on fire, "The Invisible Girl"-you guessed it- turns invisible. "The Thing" is...well, a thing. But a straightforward moniker like "stretch" or "the human rubber band" isn't good enough for Dr. Reed Richards. His ego is so huge that only "Mister Fantastic" will do.

Which is kinda funny, in and of itself. You'd think he'd have gone for "DOCTOR Fantastic". I mean, he didn't go through twelve years of college to be called "Mister" anything. Heck Doctor Doom calls himself Doctor and he dropped out.

All I can guess is that the name is foreshadowing for what a jerk he's going to be to his future wife, Susan "Invisible Girl" Storm.