Thursday, December 3, 2009

Supergirl Needs to Mind Her Own @#$! Business. Action Comics #289

Big key going into keyhole. Paging Dr. Freud.

After watching a movie in which a bachelor delays proposing and loses the only woman he ever loved, Supergirl gets it into her head that Superman needs to be fixed up. After all, she reasons "It doesn't look as if Superman is ever going to marry either Lois Lane or Lana Lang!"

So, Superman's cousin decides it's time to do a little Super-meddling. She heads right away to the Fortress of Solitude , fills out the "time-traveling log book" (which is a log of time-travels, not a book that travels through time) leaves a quick note for Supes and whoosh! she's off.

When Superman arrives at his Kryptonian Man Cave, he discovers an "urgent" note from Supergirl asking him to join her in the past, ASAP. Superman flies back to the appointed time and finds Supergirl waiting for him in Ancient Troy, where she hopes to hook him up with Helen.

Thank you Encyclopedia Made-upica!

After a few gladiatorial hi-jinks and the foiling of a royal plot, Helen gets pissed off because Supergirl is stealing her limelight. The Cousins of Steel head back to the present, empty-handed.

Next, while cleaning the Fortress, Supergirl has another stroke of inspiration. She coerces Superman into heading to the 30th century for a Legion of Superheroes Christmas party. She leads him to a time 10 years further into the future than usual, however, meaning that the Legionaires are all adults.

Supergirl decides Saturn Girl- now Saturn Woman- would be a good match for Kal-El. She then goes about setting things up so Supes and Saturn meet under the mistletoe. Superman has such a great time he goes in for seconds...

only to discover that Saturn Woman is married to Lightning Man.

Still blushing from his faux-pas, Superman and Supergirl head back to the present. Again.

Supergirl confesses her plan to Superman, prompting one of the most awkward and..creepy.. bits of exposition EVER:

Oh! and she's a child!

Supergirl tries one last time, this time looking for an adult duplicate of herself anywhere in the universe. (Still creepy). The Fortress' super-computer gives her the name of a planet where such a woman can be found (and displays it in Lite-Brite pegs!) and Superman is off! (Still creepy).

It's love at first sight for Superman and Superwoman (aka Luma Lynai) but alas it is not to be. Seems the Earth's yellow sun effects Superwoman like Kryptonite effects Superman. The lovers part ways after Superwoman insists that Superman must return to Earth for the greater good (maybe she met his cousin and noticed the creepy resemblance?) . Superman returns heart-broken and Supergirl swears off match-making.

The moral of the story is: don't take romantic advice from your teenage girl cousin, especially one who's in love with a boy who is also her horse.


  1. Weisinger had a lot of weird stuff in his stories; check out the cover of Action #260, for example, which shows Supes passionately kissing "Mighty Maid". We later learn that MM was actually Supergirl (I forget the reason they were pretending to be in love). Or the cover of Lois Lane #20, where Supergirl seems to be getting a little too affectionate towards her new dad (in an imaginary story where Lois and Superman are married and adopt Kara). Very odd.

  2. Pat- I have Lois Lane #20 on deck for a future article. I love where Lois is spanking the Linda Lee robot with a hairbrush to pound a loos bolt into place, while the social worker looks on!

  3. Aaron, thanks tons... this was such a great post. I grew up (I'm older than you) reading a lot of these Superman and Action comics from 1960 or so onwards... indeed, some "strange" stuff from time to time. But anything with members of the Legion... cool stuff.

  4. "My research revealed she [Helen} visited Troy on this day ..."


    That's funny, two centuries of in depth scholarship has failed to ascertain: a) whether Helen ever actually existed; b) even if she did, there are no known precise years for when she would have lived (or when Troy fell), let alone details of an exact date when she alledgedly visited Troy. So where did Supergirl do her research? Gazing into a chrystal ball, or reading chicken entrails?

    I have this comic, and frankly I think this story is typical of Jerry Siegel's writing near its nadir for the 1960s.


  5. I guess acheology becomes a bit more of an exact science when the University owns a time machine.

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