Friday, May 21, 2010

Two Words for Jimmy Olsen: "DON'T TOUCH!"

It's time again for more adventure with that loveable doofus, Jimmy Olsen!

Only Jimmy could #@$% up a free vacation! Once Jimmy gets bored watching the crane load all that fascinating scrap iron into the ship (Is the Daily Planet so cheap it sent these guys on a cruise on a cargo ship?) he goes for a stroll along the beach. Which is something else only Jimmy could screw up-

Jimmy finds a mysterious ray gun inside which, of course, he needs to start shooting at living things:

Not satisfied with the ecological chaos sure to be caused by an enormous pseudopod, Jimmy experiments further-

Well, Jimmy, if it's so @#$%-ing obvious, why did you need to try it again?

Jimmy heads back to the ship, where he learns Clark has missed the boat (he was needed in space as Superman). Lois shows Jimmy the souvenirs she purchased, including a small turtle. Clearly, Lois plans to unleash some ecological havoc of her own, introducing alien species to Metropolis' fragile ecosystem. You know she's just going to flush that little turtle like 2 weeks after she gets back.

Anyway, Jimmy drops the raygun and it irradiates him and the turtle, with unlikely consequences. Jimmy is turned into a giant turtle man. Which apparently means you become covered with green, hexagonal scales (but no shell) your eyes look like they're made from ping-pong ball halves, you sprout pointy ears (even though turtles have no external ears.) and you also manifest a snazzy pair of large, black breifs.

Oh! and you go on a mindlessly destructive rampage.

Superman returns from space just in time to intervene and learns more about this mysterious growth ray from an old girlfriend:

Superman then uses his own mad science to fix the problem:

Wouldn't shrinking a giant turtle man just get you a smaller turtle man? I'm so confused.


  1. I always suspected that Superman gave Jimmy the signal watch because he was a constant menace to society. He just made up the "pals" thing as an excuse.

  2. Replies
    1. He later turned out to be Darkseid in desquise. See "Countdown to Final Crisis" for more information.

  3. Dave: Interesting theory. Supes has to take some of the responsibility, though. Many of the things Jimmy touches, tastes, eats, drinks, inserts, etc. were brought to the Planet offices BY Superman.

    Jacque: Alas, the fate of the turtle is never revealed.

  4. What a great cover and splash panel! Tremendous perspective, and I love the way in the splash that Jimmy/Turtle uses a volcaco like a shredder. Superman to Jimmy: "Now I must remove you from the Earth!" That is so Supe! Most would have said, "I'm gonna take you outta this world!"

  5. Once again, I maintain that Jimmy is technically the most powerful character in the DC universe.

  6. I guess it was set to W, for Wumbo. Good thing Superman is a Wumbologist.