Well, I Sure as Hell Didn't Expect THAT! Unexpected #210

I usually post something about Saturday Morning superhero cartoons of the 60's on Saturdays, or nothing at all. But today, as I wind down "Ape-ril In January" week, I thought I'd treat you all to a bonus.

Amy and I bought this little number at ChicagoCon one year for $0.25. It was purchased solely on the strength of the cover image.

Now, of course, I know that the above comic is from the Bronze Age, but it has a friggin' vampire ape on it! I have a soft spot for bronze age horror comics. With all the CCA restrictions placed on comics companies (self-imposed or not), it was nearly impossible to do a horror comic that was actually, well... scary. What you usually get is either a ridiculous, predicatable piece of tripe that is unintentionally funny (and therefore highly enjoyable) or, on rare occasions, something that manages to manipulate the limitations of the format and still produce something exciting- and when they're good, they're great!

The above comic is of the former variety. In fact, most issues of Unexpected from the 70's and early 80's are just plain awful. They rely heavily on twist endings, as the name would suggest, but the twists are usually not just unexpected, they're a complete non-sequiter. It almost works in a Dadaist or Absurdist way. I usually joke that a better name for this series would have been "-'The Hell?!?"

So, no, I can honestly say that a big gorilla with bat wings surprising a bunch of people in a grave yard was not something I would have expected. Mission accomplished!

A Puzzling Piece of Merchandise...

This Masonite tray puzzle was given to me and Amy by my mother, who found it at a flea market. It used to hang in our kitchen, which was, at the time, superhero-themed. I suspect it was released to cash in on the popularity of the Dino DeLaurentis remake of King Kong, but that is absolutely Titano that Lois is struggling with.

My 4-year-old son is currently the custodian of this fabulous piece of Supermanana. I'd better get it back to his puzzle bin before he knows it's missing ;)

Forget the Russians, It's the Gorillas You Have to Beat! Strange Adventures #64

Just as mankind is on the verge of launching its first artificial satellite, it is visited by unexpected guests, guests with a warning!

A large spacecraft (described as a "space station" lands outside an American rocket base. The scientists and guards are stunned as its occupants emerge and turn out to be gorillas (who look a lot more like chimps to me)! The gorillas explain that they were once Earthmen who ventured into space. Cosmic rays caused them to devolve, physically, into gorillas while their minds stayed intact. The Space gorillas warn the scientists to wait until a cure is found before venturing into space themselves.

However, two-fisted science-guy , Dr. Owens doesn't buy their story. Sneaking onboard the gorilla ship, Owens discovers that the visitors are aliens in gorilla suits (still look like chimps to me). Jumping one of the aliens, Owens dons a gorilla suit and forces the ship to crash-land. Later, after explaining everything to his peers, Owens is asked what made him suspicious. Owens explains that the aliens, unlike men or gorillas, never blinked.

How'd He Tie That Bowtie Without Opposable Thumbs? Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #24

You didn't need to offer me free ice cream, you had me at gorilla!

This time, it wasn't really Jimmy's fault. Usually Jimmy Olsen is transformed into something else due to sheer stupidity or negligence, but this time, it was a fluke.

While helping Professor Thorne with an experimental "telepathy helmet" (to read the minds of animals- like THEY have anything to say!) Jimmy Olsen has an accident. After numerous failed attempts to read the minds of giraffes, rhinos and finally a gorilla, the professor is ready to give up. But Jimmy supposes that Superman, with his superior mind, may be able to make the machine work. Jimmy turns on his signal watch just as the gorilla reaches through the bars of it's cage and punches a few random buttons on the device. Blammo! Jimmy and the gorilla switch bodies a'la Freaky Friday.

Prof. Thorne lets Gorilla Jimmy out of the cage, but Jimmy's real body is running amok, swinging from trees and such. Gorilla Jimmy attempts to apprehend his wayward, gorilla- controlled body, just as Superman shows up. Thinking his pal is being attacked by a gorilla, Supes takes a swing at Jimmy.

After explaining the situation to Superman, Professor Thorne explains that it would take 100 years to try all 56,786,934 different button combinations. Superman runs through them all in no time, but Jimmy doesn't change back.

Prof. Thorne heads back to the lab to work on the problem. Superman takes custody of the gorilla in Jimmy's body and Jimmy goes home to put on some clothes.

Jimmy heads to the office, where he scares the Hell out of Lois Lane and Perry White. I don't know about you, but if I were turned into a gorilla, I'd call in sick. Normally, when this stuff happens, Jimmy runs off and joins a freak show. To prevent further incidents of gorilla-induced terror, Perry hangs a sign around Jimmy's neck that reads" 'Bonzo' Intelligent Gorilla! Tame! No Danger!". Personally I don't see why it couldn't have read " 'Jimmy' Intelligent Gorilla! Tame! No Danger!". Also, the word tame isn't very reassuring when followed by an exclamation point.

"Bonzo" decides to go out on the town, having a lunch of bananas at a fancy restaurant and taking in a wrestling match featuring wrestler known as "The Gorilla". The next evening he goes to the movies to see "Patrolman Gorilla" a movie about a gorilla who becomes a cop. Maybe this like how when some folks come out about being gay, all they talk about for a while is gay stuff. Like George Takei or Ellen DeGeneres. It took Ellen a while to get back to just being funny. Once the novelty wears off, I'm sure Jimmy will go back to finding non-gorilla -themed entertainment.

In no time, Jimmy is depressed about his new body. Superman tries to cheer him up by taking him on patrol. Jimmy's new abilities prove useful and he stops a crime and saves some kids from a fire. He even saves Clark Kent from suffocating in a time-lock vault at the bank (of course, Superman was perfectly safe, but his all-important secret identity was in danger!).

Checking on Professor Thorne's progress, Superman finally figures out that the missing element is Jimmy's ultrasonic signal watch. Activating the watch, Superman restores Jimmy to his own body- unbeknownst to Perry White who is suddenly attacked by the typing gorilla who was, seconds ago, Jimmy.

Of course, Superman and Jimmy save the Chief and the gorilla returns to the zoo.

This story was so awesome that it was not only reprinted in Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #116, it got the cover AGAIN!:

Gorillas Don't Have Sideburns. Flash #106

Gorilla Grodd may be the best-known talking gorilla supervillain in comics. He started off pretty inauspiciously, though. He didn't even get the cover of Flash #106 and gorillas almost ALWAYS got the cover.



Grodd's first appearance was as a second feature in Flash #106. Grodd arrives in Central City Park at the controls of an "all-purpose craft" which flies, submerses in water and bores through the Earth. immediately, the citizens of Central City begin reporting strange gorilla sightings.

These sightings trouble actor Fred Pearson who plays a gorilla on the stage in a play "The Great Gorilla" (I'm not generally a devotee of live theatre, so maybe I'm a poor judge, but does anyone out there think a theatre is going to pack the house every night with a dude in a gorilla suit?). Pearson keeps blacking out after and sometimes before the show and now people are seeing a gorilla in the streets at night. Fred calls his friend, policeman Barry Allen (aka the Flash) for some help.

On his way to meet with Fred, Flash spots a gorilla and gives chase, but the gorilla out-maneuvers the Fastest Man Alive in all-purpose craft. Flash then goes to meet with Pearson and hears his strange story first hand.

Meanwhile, we are introduced to Grodd who spends a lot of time thinking expositionally to himself about how he came from Gorilla City- a secret, hidden city in Africa populated by super-intelligent gorillas. Grodd is Gorilla City's lone criminal mind and he has come out into the human world seeking Solovar, the missing ruler of the gorillas. Solovar alone holds the power to control others by "force of mind". using his own telepathy, Grodd locates Solovar as a captive in a circus. Grodd rips the secret from Solovar's mind and returns to Gorilla City.

Solovar escapes from the circus and seeks out the Flash. Enlisting Flash's aide, Solovar and the Scarlet Speedster rush to Gorilla City where they quickly defeat Grodd. Apparently the spinning attack Flash uses on Grodd jots the force of mind power right out of him.

Flash returns home and tells Fred Pearson that his troubles are over.

This story is really short and really unimpressive. Apart from the fact that it features talking gorillas and a gorilla city, it really doesn't have much about it that speaks of the impact it will have for years to come.

As we have previously seen, evil talking genius gorillas are nothing new to DC at this time. And even an embryonic version of Gorilla City had been previously seen in a 1950's Congo Bill story- albeit a more rustic version made of bamboo and huts. Still, Grodd had something to him that made him return again and again, arguably becoming Flash's arch-enemy (or is that Mirror-Master or Captain Cold?- ask Pat at The Silver Age, that discussion can really drag out!). Even so, gorillas do not have sideburns.

Mad Science Marches On- Strange Adventures #56

Part Two- "The Jungle Emperor".

So, what happened to the super-intelligent gorilla from the previous issue of Strange Adventures? Well, the whole world finds out as he delivers an ultimatum via television: "Hear this you humans! As the most intelligent and powerful being on Earth, I proclaim myself King Gorilla, the sole sovereign of this planet! Tomorrow morning my gorilla ambassadors will appear in each country to accept control of your governments! Unless my rule is unanimously accepted in 24 hours, I will strike with all the scientific powers at my command! You have been warned!" I love how every sentence ends with an exclamation point.

Poor Dr. Jonas Mills sits helplessly by, watching the threats of his accidental monster. Unable to make more "Mutaton" in the time left to him, he has only the antidote to mutaton on hand. Unfortunately, Dr. Mills has no idea of King Gorilla's whereabouts.

The next morning, each capital city of each nation receives an envoy from King Gorilla in the form of more intelligent gorillas who arrive in "super-scientific planes", equipped with shields of electric force.

Studying the newsreel footage of the gorillas' departures, Dr. Mills determines that the gorillas cannot be living creatures. Seems the G-forces created by the planes' acceleration would crush even a gorilla. To test his theory, Dr. Mills plants a fake news story that he has "developed a new weapon that will vanquish the gorilla hordes should they try to enforce their ultimatum!". He then sets up a thermocouple in his laboratory and waits. As he expected, the gorillas who come to kidnap him give off no body heat- they're robot gorillas!! (Does it get any better than robot gorillas? Really?)

The robot gorillas abduct Dr. Mills and take him via flying wing to King Gorilla's HQ in Africa. King Gorilla tells Mills he's the only Human the gorillas need fear and must be eliminated. Dr. Mills tells KG he's on to him and that he knows the other gorillas are robots. KG admits he was "too clever" to make other gorillas as smart as himself.

Searching for Mills' super-weapon, KG finds the bottle of antidote, which he confiscates. He then prepares to launch his attack, locking Mills in a cage. Mills starts a fire which cracks the bottle of antidote and vaporizes it's contents. The fumes dumb down King Gorilla, while Mills, safe behind a jury-rigged gas filter keeps his head.

The android armies of the King Gorilla stop in their tracks as their control console in Africa succumbs to the fire. The Earth is saved and the gorilla- 'droids are put on display as a reminder of how close the world came to conquest.

Dr. Mills reflects on his hard-earned lesson: "It's better for evolution to take it's own slow, natural course in this world!"

The similarities between 1955's King Gorilla and 1959's Gorilla Grodd are remarkable. Both want to conquer the world through the use of super-science, both are talking gorilla megalomaniacs, both have airplanes at their disposal... Of course, Grodd hails from a kingdom of intelligent gorillas and was not tampered with by human science. In that respect, KG bears a stronger resemblance to 1964's Monsieur Mallah.

I also love how comics and movies of the 50's and 60's refer to what is clearly technology as "science". I realize that the technological advances described are the direct result of breakthroughs in sciences like physics, but a ray-gun is no more a "super-science weapon" than a crossbow. A crossbow uses the science of Newtonian physics, but would never be considered a weapon of "science" in the same way as a laser. Same goes for a stone knife.

Dr. Jonas Mills- What Were You Thinking? -Strange Adventures #55-56

Part One: " The Gorilla Who Challenged The World"

Ah, the good old days. Back when science really got things done! None of that fooling around with control subjects, verifying findings, safety protocols or even a pretense of the scientific method. When men were men and gorillas were plentiful test subjects.

Dr. Jonas Mills isolates the element in the body which controls evolution- "mutaton". So, logically, the first thing he does with his mutaton is inject a small dose into a gorilla ( a gorilla he goes out of his way to explain to himself he purchased from a dealer in wild animals- natch, they don't carry them at Petland, you know. Peebles' Pet Shop, sure, but not Petland).

The gorilla immediately gains the ability to speak English. Just the way our hominid forbears did when they left the trees. Dr. Mills injects himself to make himself an even bigger genius. Unbeknownst to Dr. Mills, he gave the gorilla a much more effective dose than planned. The gorilla is now a super-genius who wishes to rule the Earth. Since he is now so much smarter, Mills realizes that a very smart gorilla is potentially dangerous and concocts an antidote.

Mills puts the antidote into the gorilla's drinking water, but the gorilla surreptitiously pours the water into Dr. Mills' water pitcher. When Doctor Mills drinks the water, he is temporarily addled by his sudden drop in IQ and the genius Gorilla imprisons the scientist.



Mr. Smarty-Primate disguises himself as a portly human and begins a crime spree, using his gorilla strength and agility to steal supplies for his scheme. A few days later, attempting to apprehend their prime suspect, the police uncover his secret, gorilla identity. It's too late, however, as the gorilla has now obtained all the chemicals he needs for his plan.

Researching all the gorillas bought and sold in recent months, the police finally track the gorilla to Dr. Mills' lab. The gorilla holds the cops at bay, threatening to make Dr. Mills a complete moron if they don't allow him to escape. The gorilla breaks a steam pipe to create a diversion and then hops a tramp freighter for Africa with all the ingredients he needs to make mutaton!!


End part one.

So far, we have learned that , A: you shouldn't monkey with evolution and B: Sy Barry draws a good gorilla.

Gorilla My Dreams- Wonder Woman #163

For those of you only familiar with Giganta from The Challenge of the Super-Friends TV show, her Silver Age origin may surprise you. See, Giganta was not originally an arch-enemy for the Hanna-Barbera created Apache Chief, nor did she have the power to grow 50 feet tall.

No, Giganta was, well, a girl gorilla. A girl gorilla who fell in love with Wonder Woman's impossibly hot boyfriend, Col. Steve Trevor.

Seeing the gorilla's amorous advances towards Col. Trevor at the zoo, Wonder Woman's old enemy Dr. Psycho steals the gorilla and takes her to crackpot scientist Professor Zool, who has invented an "evolution machine". The machine evolves Giganta the gorilla into a large, muscular woman who wants to fight Wonder Woman for Steve. If you don't believe in evolution, this segment of the story will insult your beliefs. If you do believe in evolution, it will insult your intelligence. Honestly, I'd like to know just what environmental pressures and survival advantages prompted Giganta to evolve not only into a woman, but also to evolve a leopard-skin mini-dress and big hoop earrings.

Needless to say, Wonder Woman keeps her man and send Giganta off to Paradise Island for "rehabilitation".