Friday, January 22, 2010
Boy, Adoption Sure Was Easier When Clark Was Little!- Superman's Girlfriend, Lois Lane #20
Superman is such a super guy, it would have to be wonderful to be married to him, right? Well, maybe not:
"Is it a big diamond? Did you crush some coal and make me a giant diamond? - Maybe you made us a planet?..."
Lois and Clark head to the orphanage where Clark has been cruelly interring Kara ever since she arrived on Earth. They apply for adoption immediately and everything looks good, but wait, apparently in the early 1960's, the ideas of motherhood and a career don't mix:
Okay, that kid is just about ready for college. You're telling me, Lois can't write about fashion shows and inane inventions and Museums of Superstition and what Superman did today while her daughter is at school?
Anyway, Lois sacrifices her career to make Superman happy. And all he does is run off with their daughter all the time and save the world, leaving Lois with the housework. Except Superman vacuums the rugs by inhaling with his super-breath (YUCK!!) and Supergirl, volunteers to do the dishes- with disastrous results:
That snoopy broad in the window who looks suspiciously like Margaret Hamilton as Elmira Gulch in The Wizard of OZ is Mrs. Clayton, the investigator from the orphanage. Mrs. Clayton gets the wrong idea immediately, assuming Lois is lounging around all day while Linda does all the housework. Actually, I guess it is kinda the right idea, but being super, it takes Linda and Clark seconds to clean up, leaving Lois home all day with no-one to talk to but Superman's boring-ass robots:
While Lois is bored to tears, Superman and Supergirl get to go do fun things like this:
This would NEVER work! See my previous rant.
Meanwhile, Lois continues to try to play the role of homemaker. Having wrenched her back, she orders the Linda Lee robot to make the beds. Lois notices that the robot is not performing efficiently and soon spots a loose bolt, which she tries to bang into place with a hairbrush. Women! I don't know how many times I've caught my wife using any convenient, heavy object (no matter how precious) as a hammer, or using a butter knife instead of one of our 15 screwdrivers! The right tool for the right job, ladies. Wait, where was I?:
So, Lois gets caught beating her daughter by that busybody, Mrs. Clayton. Linda is taken away without the benefit of police involvement or a hearing or anything.
But, at least Lois is still married to Superman. I mean, a guy like that, he's got to be super-understanding, right?
Wrong! As per usual, Superman shows his true colors as a selfish jerk.